fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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