Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
