So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
