I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
