i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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