I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
