I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can vaginas get frostbite?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
