Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is wine microwaveable?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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