I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
