Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
