singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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