so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
