I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
