I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
