guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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