I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
