ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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