is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
