what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
