please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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