i jhust puked up my retainher.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
