Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
