I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
