Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
