took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
