i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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