There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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