I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
