u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
