so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
