didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
