Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
