hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
