can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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