Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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