Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
