i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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