Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She bit a glass in half.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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