so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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