Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
