he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
