I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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