i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
