Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
