Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
