I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
