If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
