My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
