Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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