I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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