My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
