I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize