At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize