I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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