I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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