Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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