tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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