Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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