she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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