Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize