Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
