Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
