Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
