apparently the secret to your success is patron
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
