Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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