her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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