i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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