i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize