i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
