PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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