youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
