This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
