put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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