I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
