i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
