Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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