yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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